Monday, July 10, 2006
Asexuality
I came upon this issue of asexuality on Channelnewsasia several days ago when they had a mini interview with people who proclaimed to be asexuals. Found it quite interesting so I looked it up a bit.
This is taken from an article:
http://dir.salon.com/story/mwt/feature/2005/05/26/asexual/index.html?pn=3
Sexual short circuits can also be caused by childhood trauma -- which, experts say, is often much more subtle than a specific experience of sexual abuse, or even, say, a parent's warning that masturbators go blind, then to hell. "Becoming a sexual human being is a long and subtle process and many things must go right in one's family of origin for the child to connect sexuality and love," says Aline Zoldbrod. "I have had several patients who came into treatment asexual, completely confused, because they came from 'good' families. But on closer examination, it turned out that certain necessary ingredients were missing: these patients got good care in practical ways -- they were fed, clothed, sent to school -- but they were not touched lovingly by their parents at all. They simply had never experienced physical pleasure in their bodies that they linked to the emotional pleasure of being in a relationship."
Therein, she says, lies her main criticism of the asexual-positive "movement." "It assumes that becoming sexual is simple and easy, and that if sexual feelings and urges don't come 'naturally' they weren't meant to be," she says. "But being sexual has to be learned," she says -- and many people who somehow missed out during their sexually formative years can indeed catch up in sex therapy, though certainly not overnight. Zoldbrod describes one woman who spent a year learning from scratch to enjoy touch: aside from frequent therapy visits both alone and with her husband, "her husband had to give up on intercourse and just touch her non-sexually for months and months, so that she could develop her own innate good feelings about touch and then connect them to her love of him -- and then, later, to sex," says Zoldbrod. "At the end, when she experienced sexual pleasure and sexual drive, she said, 'I can't believe this is my same body.' Her life was profoundly altered, for the better."
David Jay counters by questioning why sex itself is presumed to be the holy grail. "It's not a question of whether asexual people can be made sexual through therapy or drugs, it's a question of whether they want to and whether doing so will improve their lives," he says. "If someone just doesn't like sex then it may, or may not, be easier for them to just get along without it than to go through a long, expensive process of therapy. If, on the other hand, their issues with sex are tied to issues with things like intimacy and vulnerability, then those will play out just as much asexually as they would sexually, and they'll probably be just as likely to seek help. To me, it seems like giving people access to a healthy sex life isn't the issue -- it's giving people access to healthy relationships and then letting them decide where they want sex to fit."
So what are your views?
I think asexuality emerged due to the postmodernist world which we are living in now. All the individuality, free will, freedom of choice and expression, etc. Hmm, I understand why people subscribe to postmodernism... it means the freedom to do anything you wish, assert your rights and all and nobody can say anything. In some ways, it's like an enjoyment of all the desires which we have, and to avoid any kind of oppression.
But whether it is right in God's eyes is a different issue altogether. Well, I guess the only way, or rather, the best way, is to evaluate our actions based on God's words and ways. If it contradicts what He has taught, then whatever we engage in, regardless of how strongly we feel towards it and how perfectly right it is in the world's eyes, it is still frowned upon by God. No matter how hard it is to resist the flesh, we have to always obey God. Why? Because God loves us, He knows what is best for us and will only provide us with the best. He is never the source of temptation. When God is with us, who can be against us?
This is taken from an article:
http://dir.salon.com/story/mwt/feature/2005/05/26/asexual/index.html?pn=3
Sexual short circuits can also be caused by childhood trauma -- which, experts say, is often much more subtle than a specific experience of sexual abuse, or even, say, a parent's warning that masturbators go blind, then to hell. "Becoming a sexual human being is a long and subtle process and many things must go right in one's family of origin for the child to connect sexuality and love," says Aline Zoldbrod. "I have had several patients who came into treatment asexual, completely confused, because they came from 'good' families. But on closer examination, it turned out that certain necessary ingredients were missing: these patients got good care in practical ways -- they were fed, clothed, sent to school -- but they were not touched lovingly by their parents at all. They simply had never experienced physical pleasure in their bodies that they linked to the emotional pleasure of being in a relationship."
Therein, she says, lies her main criticism of the asexual-positive "movement." "It assumes that becoming sexual is simple and easy, and that if sexual feelings and urges don't come 'naturally' they weren't meant to be," she says. "But being sexual has to be learned," she says -- and many people who somehow missed out during their sexually formative years can indeed catch up in sex therapy, though certainly not overnight. Zoldbrod describes one woman who spent a year learning from scratch to enjoy touch: aside from frequent therapy visits both alone and with her husband, "her husband had to give up on intercourse and just touch her non-sexually for months and months, so that she could develop her own innate good feelings about touch and then connect them to her love of him -- and then, later, to sex," says Zoldbrod. "At the end, when she experienced sexual pleasure and sexual drive, she said, 'I can't believe this is my same body.' Her life was profoundly altered, for the better."
David Jay counters by questioning why sex itself is presumed to be the holy grail. "It's not a question of whether asexual people can be made sexual through therapy or drugs, it's a question of whether they want to and whether doing so will improve their lives," he says. "If someone just doesn't like sex then it may, or may not, be easier for them to just get along without it than to go through a long, expensive process of therapy. If, on the other hand, their issues with sex are tied to issues with things like intimacy and vulnerability, then those will play out just as much asexually as they would sexually, and they'll probably be just as likely to seek help. To me, it seems like giving people access to a healthy sex life isn't the issue -- it's giving people access to healthy relationships and then letting them decide where they want sex to fit."
So what are your views?
I think asexuality emerged due to the postmodernist world which we are living in now. All the individuality, free will, freedom of choice and expression, etc. Hmm, I understand why people subscribe to postmodernism... it means the freedom to do anything you wish, assert your rights and all and nobody can say anything. In some ways, it's like an enjoyment of all the desires which we have, and to avoid any kind of oppression.
But whether it is right in God's eyes is a different issue altogether. Well, I guess the only way, or rather, the best way, is to evaluate our actions based on God's words and ways. If it contradicts what He has taught, then whatever we engage in, regardless of how strongly we feel towards it and how perfectly right it is in the world's eyes, it is still frowned upon by God. No matter how hard it is to resist the flesh, we have to always obey God. Why? Because God loves us, He knows what is best for us and will only provide us with the best. He is never the source of temptation. When God is with us, who can be against us?
# posted by Banana Saviour @ 10:08 AM 
