Stories of me and myself

I think I'm paranoid.

I'm wondering if I fit into a Secondary School better. After several months in a higher-level institute, I still feel lost.

Lost amongst the whole sea of colleagues (I have no friends!!)...
Lost in the syllabus and cheem-ness of Atmosphere (though I do like the sense of achievement when I am finally qualified to teach and give consultations thanks to mugging)...
Lost in the Arts department (cos Econs is freaking big, though I wouldn't categorize them under Arts anyway!)...
Lost in the whole scheme of things.

I can honestly say I'm not enjoying myself as much as I had envisioned myself to be. Of course there are great points about the school I'm in now, supportive colleagues and all. I'm not taking them for granted, but you know, the joy is just not there? Like I wouldn't want to spend more time here if possible? And this isn't healthy...

I am more than willing to work hard and give it all (If I enjoy my work.). I kinda attribute it to where my passion lies. I always wanted to teach in a Sec school, but was posted to a JC instead. I want to play with innocent young minds, (haha! sounds wrong... not "torture" in that sense!) not mature kids!(although they are also fun to play with... but not my kind.) I know the workload will be tonnes heavier, but if that's where my passion lies... it should be ok right? I was told that I couldn't make it in a Sec (it kinda angered me actually), cos I think I have it in me.

But I still thank God for His plan. I know there must be a reason why I'm here. I just don't know what it is yet. But maybe, it would be easier for a JC teacher to go to a Sec school rather than vice-versa?

K enough. Smile. Tomorrow might be worse.