Stories of me and myself

Dawn was breaking.
Energies spent on being hyped up.
The illusion of a possible solution out of the darkness.
Hype lasted but for the moment.
Jitters while seeking confirmation.
A simple scan.
An intense stare.

And the world started crumbling.

Paranoia! Fluster!
The heart pumping fast.
The tears swelling up.
Compose! Compose! Composure!
It can't be true... no, not this!
Why me?
No... don't take this away from me...
Not the life-saver...




Back to Square 1.
A heavy heart.
Energies wasted.
Dumbfounded.
Stone.

Is this finalized?
Yes it is. Nonchalantly.

Shocked.

No. Not now. Seriously.

Lord, help me please!
Lord, please help me!

With me?
Slightly comforted.
Glimpse of hope.

Composed.
Ok. Now.

Rationale explained.
We prepared you.
But still...
How about the promise?

Negotiation made through connections.
Play the game. You sink or you float.
Or backing you must have.
Or be like a lamb up for sacrifice.
Innocent as a lamb, shrewd as a snake.
Latter I am not.
Suffer I will.
Struggle I will.

Pray I must. Pray hard I must.
Strength I need. Courage I need.
Wisdom I need. Perseverance I need.
Trust in God I must.
Provide He will.
Every single thing. Small and insignificant.
To the best I shall thrust.
NOT for men!
NOT for pride!
But for the GLORY OF GOD!

Angels in the vicinity.
Visible or invisible.
Tangible or intangible.
Thank you anyway.
Thank you my Lord.
Thank you.